Trials, Tribs, Fuller House & Lock-Down Drills…

This above image went viral this week, this child is in preschool. Kids, she’s 3!!

3! That’s practically brand new!

I’m sure that you have stuff in your refrigerator and medicine cabinet older than her. Shoes and clothes in your closet? Maybe water bottles in your car even…

And while I don’t have children, I adore them. I think that I adore them more because of sense of longing that I have. As I age out of my healthy years of having a baby, and the possibility starts to diminish I feel like my empty uterus is shaming me.My uterus is like screaming at me “you were made to make a baby,” but to be honest the thought of bringing a child into this world terrifies me.  I fear bringing a child into this world, into this hate, into this fear driven society. Yet still I want nothing more then to have my own baby.

A few months back when Fuller House came out on Netflix, I was super excited to watch with my friend and her daughter. Everyone who knows me knows that a high percentage of my musical included John Stamos and Full House references. You also know that I can have a very difficult time talking about things of a more serious nature.
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A few months back I made the decision to volunteer. The truth is too, I volunteered at an event this Spring because of a conversation I had during the Fuller House binge watch.

First let me say that like I said before I’m not good at getting serious, and I usually won’t intentionally put myself in a situation that I’m uncomfortable,  or not mentally prepared for either.

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I actually spoke with some people that made volunteering sound like volunteering was like getting in the trenches or volunteering as a Tribute in the Hunger Games. Depending on the cause I can see how one might feel that way, but it all has to do with fear. (and I can relate) #IVolunteerAsATrib


I didn’t initially sign up to volunteer at the event because I was giving myself an easy out. I didn’t commit to it because then it would be awkward backing out. The night before I tweeted to someone to see if I could help. They said sure, so I ended up deciding that morning to try to go. If I didn’t end up showing up no one would really miss me. When I got to the event I parked my car I sat for a few minutes thinking about driving home. When I finally did get out of the car, I saw the little girls father who the event was for, and walked almost to the entrance and turned around and went back to my car. After pretending to look for something in my car for a bit, I finally worked up the courage to go inside, but I almost went home. Even when I stood around waiting to be assigned a spot. I thought about walking back out through the opened door, and going home. They clearly had enough volunteers. They didn’t need my help, I told myself,  but I stayed. 

 Back to the Fuller House binge watch:

We settled in and watched several episodes. The show was super cute and I loved it, and we found the show to be a little more risque then we had anticipated. Wincing at each other when Kimmy Gibbler or DJ would say something we didn’t expect, and double checking if it went over my BFF’s daughters’ head.


Over a snack break my best friends’ daughter and I still sat on the couch together, we snuggled a little. She paused for a minute and then looked up at me. She said:

“Auntie can I ask you something?”

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The mood in the room instantly shifted, and it got serious real quick. I could feel that this wasn’t a question about DJ or Steph. She breathed deeply and said…

“What would you do if a bad man came to your school with a gun? We’ve been having lock-down drills and today we had one. They make us all sit in the corner. I don’t feel it’s right because he’d just get us all at once in the corner like that.”



She’s 9! That’s still pretty new too!

I’m sure that you have stuff in your refrigerator and medicine cabinet older than her. Shoes and clothes in your closet? Maybe water bottles in your car even…
I wasn’t at all prepared to answer these questions, but get prepared because these are the questions we have to answer now. This is what our world has become. This is the reality!
I had watched a video about distracting a shooter by throwing things, by not being in one spot in the room, and we talked about trusting your gut. Another video said to “Run, Hide, Fight.” We discussed how in that situation a lot of people were going to be scared, but to really  breathe, maybe count and pray, but try to keep your cool. How could anyone keep their cool in that situation? The word ‘Active Shooter’ freaks me out. I kept looking over at my BFF for her approval, but still wanted to stay engaged. This was our special conversation and I wanted her to know that it mattered to me. That she could come to me with anything. That conversation sits with me. I’m crying just thinking about it. She wanted me to have the right answer, to say the right thing. Part of the reason why I hesitated on volunteering in the first place was that I didn’t want to say or do the wrong thing.We have to stay present, we can’t park our cars and go home anymore. We need to be a part of the dialogue.




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