Sounds Like a Booty Call to Me

originally posted on www.WhattheFlicka.com by Erin K. Moffat

DISCLAIMER: Mom, just don’t even read this. No, seriously please don’t go any further.

I have a question that I really need answered. What do you really think of the booty call?

For a while I had this guy calling me only at night. He said that he just wanted to spoon, but trust me I know that was a big old lie. So, I simply refrained from putting myself in that situation. I said, “sounds like a booty call to me.” He of course denied it.

The other problem was that he was smoking hot, and I was super attracted to him. That can totally confuse ones body causing them to make bad decisions. Not that I did. Oh, and he had also previously asked me to… So, I’m pretty sure that I can confidently state that he was looking for more then just a long awkward body hug.

I really want to create a security system or device for the neither regions. It’s like the modern day chastity belt. Someone can create an app, or a chip or something for that. Right?

Sound the alarm! Every time you’re about to make a decision that you’re going to regret. You’re in bumper to bumper in the club, and someone is all up in your junk. You’re back on the dating scene and guys can smell that you haven’t had it in a while. Your sniffing for love, and they’re just sniffing for a good time. Maybe it’s the other way around?

The alarm goes off. It’ll prevent bad one-night stands, booty calls, etc. It would be called Va-JJ Security! Some guy will call named Stan “This is Stan calling from Va-JJ security just wanted to be sure that you’re making smart decisions…and please hold while we play this message from your Dad.” I’m still working on the guys’ version of this security system.

I also had to google booty calls because while I have friends that have had an occasional booty call. It’s not like I get an influx of them. So while I’m flattered, I’m pretty sure that if you give most guys a tube sock, some lotion, the Victoria’s Secret catalog, or a warm apple pie you not only know what they’re doing but know that they’re happy whilst doing it.

My feelings on booty calls

1. In the infamous words of Sweet Brown “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

Or do they?

I’m not into it, and maybe I’m no fun, but I want to know what you guys think. I also hope to save some poor desperate soul out there like me that actually believes for 14 seconds that you’re the exception to the rule, and this guy could be the one. I don’t know maybe he is! (But probably not!) However, there are some definite signs that a guy is not calling because while he wants to mate with you he doesn’t want to spend holidays with you, and isn’t going to wine and dine you first. He’s going straight in and asking you to s*ck his d*ck! Or whatever! I want to save you from wasting your time on a guy that calls strictly for a booty call, even when he says it’s not. He’s truly just not that into you; but he will be for about 1 minute and a half while he “spoons you and maybe grabs a boob.” (You understood what I meant by the quotations right? Same page? Getting what I’m putting down?)

If you’ve driven to the house, and gotten in the bed, and are lying on your back there is a high probability that it’s a booty call. If he asks you to do any strange yoga pose on his bed, or anywhere else while completely naked or partially clothed=booty call. You will most likely be waking up the next morning sans clothes, perhaps somewhat fulfilled (but probably not) and possibly doing a major walk of shame. Oh, and he will call again. Trust me! It will be at night just to “cuddle.” Mail them a tube sock and lotion, and call it a day. Seriously!

Here are some red flags…

1. When all of his friends on Facebook are female…

Sounds like a booty call to me

2. When only girls comment on his Facebook statuses and call him pet names… Hun, sweetie, your baby mama, (anything like that really)

He’s calling them for booty calls too…

3. When he only calls you at night.

Sounds like a booty call to me

4. When he wants you to sext him.

Sounds like a booty call to me

5. When he has a girlfriend or a wife and wants to hang out for the weekend some time…or asks if you’d date a married man

Sounds like a booty call to me.

6. When he blatantly asks you to do things with him, to him, or for him that don’t include several dates first…

Sounds like a booty call to me.

7. When he’s refers to himself as a recording artist or a member of a sports team (even not professional)

Sounds like a booty call to me; and the only person he’s playing is you. (& At least 7 other girls)

8. When he says that he just wants to snuggle or cuddle…

Sounds like a booty call to me

9. When he keeps calling you for booty calls; and you keep going thinking that things are going to work out…

It still sounds like a booty call to me.

10. When you’ve never met in person (like you’re online dating say) and he thinks that you’ll make the perfect couple…

He’s clearly just trying to get some.

Talk to me about booty calls. Have you ever gotten one? Are you cool with them? Or were you at some point? College? Last week? What are your thoughts? What sounds like a booty call to you?

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s